What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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