the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
