well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
