You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
