he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
