so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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