im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
