She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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