then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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