I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
