smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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