Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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