Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
