I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
