he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
