Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
