ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
