So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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