I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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