I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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