i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize