Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
