Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
