ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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