i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize