just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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