I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
