I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
