theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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