please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
