"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
