I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
