It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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