the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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