And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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