I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
