dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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