im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
