come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
