All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
