as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
