Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
