she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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