You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
