I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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