I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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