Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
