im holly from the hills drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
