All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
