Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
