It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
