Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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