We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
