i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
