By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize