Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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