i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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