Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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