i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
