I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize