Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
