walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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