That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
