Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
