Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
