i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
