i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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