Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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