I smell stomach acid.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
