Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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