porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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