What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
that's an acceptable place to lick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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