She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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