I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
