i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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