your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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