Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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