this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
