you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
